So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
