apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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