Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
