I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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