and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
