I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize