no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my being single is dangerous.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
