ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
