kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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