i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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