Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I touched a dick in church today
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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