remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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