i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
please don't ironically join a cult
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