if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
