Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
