I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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