I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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