I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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