Pappa wants mamma naked
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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