Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
