Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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