Sponge bath it is.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
