I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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