He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
