is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
