The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
