I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
