I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize