Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
