Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
