Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
