Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's never too late to be topless.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize