I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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