They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
