You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
