I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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