i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
