well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
