but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
