is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
