I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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