I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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