I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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