apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
