I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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