I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
