Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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