i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
