You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
