We're like a lot better than the average bears
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
