I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
