there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So squirting runs in the family.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
