I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize