I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
