I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize