I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
