What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
