happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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