I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
