There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
