Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
