i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
