I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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