i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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