last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
