His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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