Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
