I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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