I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
