you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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