drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
