i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
