My balls are so social today.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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