I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize