I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
