You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
