I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
