So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize