The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
